Harumph

I have a very nasty case of "Can't be arse'd". I don't seem to be able to find the motivation to do anything. My mood is all over the place, one day I'm good the next I'm lower than a snakes ass in a wagon rut^[1]. I'm tired. Sick and tired. I'm tired of always being afraid. I'm sick of not being able to participate in my own life . But most of all I'm sick of being sick. More pills, higher dosages, terrible side effects - I'm sick of it all. My solution... to escape. I have found that the only thing that makes these days bearable is to not be in them. I stop being me and become someone else. How? I hear you ask. Computer games and books in equal measure. In a computer game I'm not a fat little nobody with a mental illness, I'm a bad ass mofo with a gun and an itchy trigger finger. The feelings invoked when playing video games are very real. A good game will challenge the player so that there is a sense of achievement when you complete objectives. Fear (the good kind), humour, excitement and accomplishment are all available in abundance.

Books offer the same experience, at least for me. I get deeply engrossed. Start caring for the characters, booing the villain and cheering when the hero defeats them. I am devouring books.

So the next phase of my treatment begins next week. Apart from the pills, potions, leeches and ungments I am to see a psychotherapist. I don't know what to expect from this so I am trying not to pre-judge. Apparently this therapist specialises in art therapy. Gods help her if my artistic abominations are to be analysed. I expect she will recommend exorcism followed by ritual burning. I will let you all know the outcome assuming that I'm not immediately locked in the loony bin... again.

Quote of the Day

Science may have found a cure for most evils; but it has found no remedy for the worst of them all — the apathy of human beings.^[2]

Sources
Adrian Cronauer - Good Morning Vietnam
Helen Keller